Have We Got Gift Giving Wrong? The Rise of Modern Gifting

Traditional gifting comes from a place of generosity. When we buy a gift for someone, we are trying to communicate something much deeper than the item itself. We want to show appreciation. We want to celebrate a milestone. We want to make somebody smile.

The challenge is that traditional gifting relies heavily on prediction. The giver has to answer a surprising number of questions. Will they like it? Do they already own one? Is it the right size, colour or age range? Is it too expensive? Is it not expensive enough?

At the same time, the recipient often faces their own dilemma. What happens if they do not like the gift? Do they say something? Do they quietly return it? Do they keep it out of guilt?

In our view, gifting is not broken. The guessing game is.

The statistics around gifting reveal a pattern that many families already recognise. eBay UK has reported that more than £700 million is wasted on unwanted gifts, while Boutique Magazine reported that around £1 in every £5 spent on gifts is wasted.

These figures are often presented as an environmental problem. We think they also reveal a human one. When a gift is never used, it usually means somebody spent time, money and effort trying to create happiness but missed the mark.

The pattern becomes even more striking when children are involved. Whirli reported that 77% of toys are neglected within a year, Finder UK found that 23% of toys are forgotten within a month, and Zurich UK has estimated that around 9 million toys are sent to landfill before Christmas.

The issue is not that people do not appreciate gifts. It is that many gifts solve a short-term emotional moment rather than creating long-term value.

One of the biggest misconceptions about modern gifting is that it is a completely new idea. In reality, we have been using versions of it for decades.

Wedding lists proved the concept long ago. Rather than receiving five toasters and three kettles, couples created a list of items they genuinely wanted. Guests contributed. Duplication reduced. Satisfaction increased.

Honeymoon funds took the idea even further. Instead of buying physical products, friends and family contributed towards experiences and memories.

Modern gifting simply applies the logic of a wedding list to the rest of life's milestones. Birthdays, Christmas, new babies, graduations, school achievements and family celebrations can all benefit from the same principle: less guessing, more meaning.

If traditional gifting relies on guesswork, many people assume the answer is simply to give cash. Cash gifting is practical. It removes the risk of buying the wrong item and gives the recipient flexibility.

But modern gifting goes a step further. The difference is intention. Cash often arrives without context. Once it is mixed into a bank account, the connection between the giver and the gift can disappear.

Modern gifting keeps the emotional element. Friends and family can contribute towards something specific, such as swimming lessons, a first bicycle, music tuition, a family holiday, a laptop, driving lessons, a concert experience or sports equipment.

Cornell University research led by psychologist Thomas Gilovich found that experiences often create more enduring happiness than material possessions because experiences become part of our identity, relationships and memories.

This helps explain why many people remember their first concert, learning to ride a bicycle, a memorable family holiday or music lessons that sparked a lifelong hobby, while struggling to remember many of the physical gifts they received during the same period.

Modern gifting allows families to support both experiences and things. A wishlist might include a refurbished bicycle, a second-hand guitar, swimming lessons, a family experience or money towards a larger goal.

That flexibility also supports the circular economy. Instead of being locked into one retailer or one brand-new product, the recipient can choose what creates the most value. Sometimes that means buying second-hand, keeping a useful item in circulation and reducing unnecessary consumption.

Barnardo's research, reported by Civil Society, found that 40% of unwanted Christmas gifts are eventually donated to charity. While that can create value for charities, it also highlights a wider truth: millions of gifts begin a second journey because they were not quite right for the first recipient.

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At What I Really Really Want, we do not believe gifting is broken. Generosity remains one of the most meaningful ways people show love, support and appreciation.

What we believe is changing is where that generosity is directed. For decades, gifting has largely been tied to buying more products, whether people need them or not.

Modern gifting shifts the focus. Instead of asking, "What should I buy them?", it asks, "What matters most to them?"

The best gifts don't always add to our possessions. Sometimes they help us make progress towards something we really want.

That is the heart of What I Really Really Want: a personalised wishlist where friends and family can contribute instead of guessing.